Getting somewhere

So I started a competition at my Zumba studio day after my birthday (Feb 5th) everyone puts in $100 bucks each, comes to zumba 2-3 times a week and eats a meal plan that is provided. Well I'm vegetarian so mine is different then the other girls but no biggie. Well I am on the final of 8 weeks and I have for the most part followed the guidelines all the way through. (May have cheated on the meal plan 3 or 4 times). Hardest thing I have ever done, eating the exact same day of food for two weeks then doing it again with a new set of food for 2 more.
   I am so proud do to say I am down 23 lbs and 9.82% body weight IN 7 WEEKS. I'm not sure I will win (stiff competition, I know!) But I have for once "gotten it" and have actually lost weight! I didn't care if I had to say no to a cream cheese kolache, or going to lunch. I wanted to prove to myself I could kick butt and take names. Apparently I really was holding myself back. I am done with time passing me by and not being closed to my goals! Done! Forever!

Infuriating pain

    So finally I had a breakthrough with my husband....so I thought. He is a handsome naturally extremely thin sexy man. So he told me after a mild fight that I can't feed him foods that make him happy because if he had it his way he'd have a burger at lunch and pizza for dinner therefore probably dying early. So he told me to buy healthy foods and he will eat what I make to support me in my weight loss journey.
   Well today my husband is sick, all of that went out the window like a jet plane. When I asked him what he wanted for dinner the choices I had for him mads him mad, as if I were intentionally trying to bother him.
    After he interupted me mid sentence and getting really mad he poured him a bowl of cereal so I got on my workout gear and went for a walk. I can't do this by myself! I need him, I need his support, I crave it. I want my husband to be happy in every way possible but I need to do this, I need to eat healthy I need to be well and get fit. It is the only thing I have always wanted and never ever come close to.
    I made zuchini bake and corn despite him "hating zuchini" because, well he already ate anyway. It was alright, but it almost felt like a victory. I don't know how to explain it but it felt like maybe I won and ate healthy because that is my plan. I want to succeed!

today's struggles

So I promised my husband I'd lose weight last year (a lot of weight) so I be ready to carry our first child. Mind you he has never pressured me to lose weight! Well it's been nearly 6 months since I made this promise and minus maybe 3-5 lbs I am still practically where I started. It is sooo frustrating to have had all that time pass and not have gotten anywhere. I told him to encourage me to go to the gym and eat right but he is one of those naturally skinny people that actually could put good use to all this weight I want to lose. He gave me an insurance card today and told me it isn't active till april. So I said "welp you better not knock me up till april then" He said well you still have 80 lbs to lose. This started some hateful banter in my head, even though I asked him to help me not give up my goals!
   I can not help but feel like if I can't get healthy I don't deserve to be a mother. If I can't sacrifice the junk food and a couple hours a week to work out how can I think I can change my life forever for a baby? I want to be fit and healthy even if I am never blessed with a child. How do I get over the hump of want to's and get to the will do's? I just want to feel proud of how I've treated my body and know what it feels like to be fit. Maybe I'll get there! I really want to get there!